22 June 2009

Total Rant. Uncontrollable Tirade.

DEAR HEAVENLY G-D'S OF MOUNT FASHIONPUS. PLEASE PLEASE LET ACTORS, ACTRESSES AND MUSICIANS STOP DESIGNING CLOTHES. I BESEECH YOU. PLEASE ALLOW ONLY THOSE WHO HAVE WORKED ENDLESS ENDLESS HOURS AND ACTUALLY BLED FROM NEEDLE STABS TO DESIGN CLOTHES. JOHN MALKOVICH? EMMA WATSON?? (Ok, I love them both dearly and hers is for charity, but there has to be a point made here folks.) I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. I WILL TAKE TO WEARING POTATO SACKS UNTIL THE MADNESS ENDS.

17 June 2009

CFDA Fashion Frenzy

I love awards shows. The glamour, the fashion...the drama. The CFDA Awards are a little different, a little more serious if you will. Or maybe it's just the blend of designers, industry insiders, models, actors, actresses and musicians. And finally the designers get the kudos they so richly deserve. Like (my heaven known as) Marc Jacobs for Louis Vuitton who won the International Award. Or the Geoffrey Beene Lifetime Acheivement Award taken home by Anna Sui (and presented by Jack White). Women's Designer of the Year went to the Rodarte team of Kate & Laura Mulleavy (see Kirsten Dunst below). And the Board of Directors' Special Tribute Award, presented by Diane von Furstenburg, went to none other than our First Lady, Michelle Obama, for her commitment to American designers. Oh, if only I'd had a ticket. Or if only someone would jump on televising this! Hello...VH1? Bravo?? Somebody, anybody...

Each time there's an awards show, I try to think of each photo individually so as not to over "write" but you know what? I'm a writer, so bear with me. I can't just stick one photo up with a five sentence paragraph and feel ok. It's all or nothing, people.

So my favorite look of the night really shocked me. And what shocks me even more is that, yea!, an Olsen twin is smiling!!! Alert the media! She must have had a sandwich.

I love everything about this. The color, the fit, the detail, her whole look is fantastic. I'm assuming it's vintage YSL or perhaps Valentino judging by the shape, but whatever it is, it works.

My second favorite is probably the most simple.

It's total badass rocker chic and it's classic Agyness Deyn in gorgeous Anna Sui. Now I have to admit that I'm kind of over AD-everywhere; the girl has BEEN everywhere. But this look is what sets her aside and I totally dig it, head to toe.

I really love Coco Rocha in this Michael Kors number. Simple lines, great color, great hair, perfect makeup. Super hot.


A few more I love:
Diane Kruger in Jason Wu. (She seems to always make really great fashion decisions).

Heidi, of course. We have a bit of Heidi-obsession in this household...she's my husband's "other girlfriend" and I just really adore her energy, style, and attitude. In Michael Kors, of course.

I thought Tracey Ullman, who hosted, looked radiant in Doo.Ri and, as always, Ms. von Furstenburg looks fab.

And one of my last favorites, but certainly not least, Jack White. I don't know why I like this really other than that the brown's match his jaundice better than his traditional black does. I feel like I can actually "see him" for once...his jet black locks usually melt right in to whatever he's wearing and all you are left with are deep set floating eyes on not quite white skin. It's kind of creepy in a fascinating Bram Stoker sort of way. But I digress...

Let's just cut to the chase now and talk about what I didn't like. Starting with the look I just can't seem to get out of my mind because it is totally mind-numbling annoying. Behold.
I keep hearing that Blake Lively is an up and coming fashion icon but I'm just not seeing it. Cute girl; cute dress; but first of all boring! and second of all every single solitary shot of her from the event in her hot pink Kors dress shows her with her thumbs hooked painfully in those front pockets like she's John Wayne's effing granddaughter (or great perhaps?) getting ready to sling out her six-shooter and swagger her way back into the saloon. As Stanley Tucci said in the Devil Wears Prada, give me a full ballerina skirt and a hint of saloon and I'm on board, which I totally get but yeah, not this. It isn't so much "I'm-a-badass" as it is "I'm-trying-so-hard-to-be-cool." Loosen up. It's much cooler looking. And take your freakin' hands OUT of your pockets.

What in the name of the good Holy Lord is Doutzen Kroes wearing? Granted, it's Zac Posen. Given Tucci's quote above. Given a hallucinogenic. Given a different dress. Please. There is just nothing ok about this other than the color. It's like Cinderella, Stevie Nicks, and Malificent are somehow possessing Posen. And not in a good way.

Lonneke Engel in Marchesa. Honestly triggers my gag reflex. It's like a bad ice skating costume from the '80's. In truth, it probably wasn't a bad design but then someone (a stylist? the donner?) decided it would be cute to have it shortened. Yeah, no.

Now this one was a hard one for me. I really actually love the dress...I mean what's not to love about a 1950's style bustier top poufy dress with layers and layers of tulle and Marilyn Monroe's face emblazoned all over white satin? Seriously. I'll take three. But there's just something so ultra-boring about Molly Sims wearing this Dolce & Gabbana. Picture, if you will, the dress on someone like Dita von Teese. High drama, mega-makeup, super sex appeal...the focus on her, not Marilyn (a hard thing to do). Molly doesn't cut it. The super-shiney-happy-California girl look just does not work with this dress. At all. Sorry.

No. Michelle Trachtenberg. No. No. The dress doesn't flatter you at all. The makeup is alien shiney. The hair is I Dream of Jeannie on a bad day. None of it works. Plus you are what? 24? You look ten years older than that. I am all about some Behnaz Sarafpour designs (who is in the photo with Michelle) but this look is a big fat fail, sister. FAIL.

Look everybody! It's Edward Scissorhands' sister! I always thought he was an only-freak. Seriously though, dear Lydia Hearst, you are a Hearst. Surely you can afford a) some food and b) some shoes that would actually compliment that dress. The shoes ruin the dress ruin the hair ruin the makeup. And it all had such potential. Le sigh.


Another one I'm on the fence about...it's not the dress, I dig the dress, and I think I like the shoes. Maybe not the shoes with the dress? I'm not sure. Or maybe it's KiKi looking different than she has in ages. I don't know. I'm confused. Or scared. Hm.

Tallulah Belle Willis in Calvin Klein Collection. Something about this dress reminds me of the following: jellies; my mom's white overly smocked bathing suit from 1978; a jewelry bag; a parachute. I think it's the photograph. I hope, for her sake, it's the photograph.

Hey, even fashion people make mistakes. Next up: the CMT's (yes, I know I'm behind but there was so much fashion debockery in one week I just sat stunned in silence for days).

xo, k.

09 June 2009

Disdain Stays Mainly in the Plains

I just have to get this off my chest so I can move on and focus on important things like who wore what to the Tony Awards and why; or why I'm sadly addicted to The Fashion Show (which is kind of related to my rant, but I'll get to that in a second).

I realize there's a flip side to this...a non-judgmental side to it, the part of me that accepts it as it is and thinks, ok, given the chance, I can't say I wouldn't do the same. BUT what is with actors and singers becoming designers? I mean I get the whole "I'm so creative I don't know to do with all my profound energy and it's just shooting out all over the place" excuse they use. And I get that some of them actually have talent (Gwen Stefani, it took me awhile to embrace you, but I dig L.A.M.B...it's pretty hot) and some of them obviously have really great designers, that probably went to Parsons or FIT, working under them (Biten by SJP). But, really, if I see one more line started in the name of somebody who is relevant simply because they hold a microphone, I may implode (yes, I mean you, Liam Gallagher and Miley Cyrus). Now don't get me wrong, I don't have anything specifically against Liam Gallagher and his (snooze alert) line of t-shirts and what not, nor do I have anything against Miley Cyrus who I think is somewhat adorable at best but it just really irks me because I know how hard is to get into this business. And, ultimately, some college grad is going to wind up designing brillance for someone who isn't even accredited to have fashion designer attached to their name. It just gets me a little bit....grrrrrrrrrr....

And what the hell is Max Azria doing designing a line with Miley Cyrus for Wal-Mart in the first place??? When I think Max Azria, who I absolutely love and adore, I just do not think 15-year-old tween. The two just do not go together...sort of like Justin Timberlake and the Bryant Park Tents. Now the "lines" musicians do for stores don't bother me so much...they've been pretty wearable for the most part, some have even been chic...but really people, do what you are good at and let those who dove $60,000 into debt for those design degrees they have have a chance at the pie, please?

Speaking of letting people do what they are good at, why aren't Isaac and Fern enough for The Fashion Show? What exactly gives Kelly Rowland any right whatsoever to judge the future designers of America? Picking out a slew of dresses or being put together by a stylist does NOT make you a fashion expert. Plus, Isaac really doesn't need accessories...he's much more fabulous just on his own. Ok, I understand, they need a Heidi for the Tim, but at least Heidi is a supermodel...that gives her some connection to the fashion world and probably more than an educated opinion. But Kelly Rowland? Singer. Sing. Please. You know what would have rocked? A Supersupermodel like Helena or, G-d, I could have even stomached Cindy. Someone with some actual working knowledge of what a dirndl skirt is for example? Or who invented the New Look? ggrrrr...grrrr....grrr...disdain...grrr.....

Next Vent: Scarfs. When to wear them, when to not (like 90 degree weather in the South...hello??)

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming already in progress.

xoxo,
kvlm