24 April 2010

Thoughts from a Red Chaise

I am feeling a bit like le crap today. Comes and goes and I'm pretty sure it's related to the 897 varieties of foliage growing around our house which is becoming something more like a bio-dome at this juncture than an actual abode. Beautiful but makes me reconsider the whole "live in North Carolina" bit of life. You really can't live here and not have allergies. I bet, as a state, we essentially bankroll Zyrtec. Perhaps there's a kick back in there somewhere for us. We could probably justify it by example of the corporate bailout. Just a suggestion.

Anyway, let's get on with the meandering fashion thoughts drifting through my clogged up noggin, shall we?

1. Project Runway -- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
2. ANTM -- I really try not to go there here, but I can't deny that Andre Leon Talley has added a certain je ne sais quoi to the show that seems to be working. Well, it hasn't totally taken the ghetto out and the overall sense that reality tv is the definitive sign of the apocalypse but it's definitely elevated from seasons past.
3. I need shoes. Why I can't have Miu Miu shoes, I don't really understand. I'm going to need to talk to G-d about that when I get to wherever it is I'm going next.

PR

The Project Runway Season Finale was a bit of a snooze fest. I wasn't really fully committed to any one of the final 3 designers but I do think that Seth Aaron, the winner, deserved it. For all of his somewhat punk overtones, there's something about him that reminded me of Her Royal Highness Vivienne Westwood (all hail) and his tailoring was insane. My favorite?

photo nymag.com


Plaid increases my blood pressure, but in a good way. Love it.

But I loved Mila just as much. They chided her for using too much black and white, looking matronly and overly retro but I wholeheartedly disagree. In the end, I think her collection was very sophisticated, fashion forward and very New York. No doubt she's got a long career ahead of her.

photos nymag.com

Let's move on to good old Emilio Sosa. E Sosa. The new global brand. Uh-huh.

First off, I don't really care that his attitude was kind of crap. It's not what's important; what's important is that I don't even really like his clothes. Sure, he had a couple of winners throughout the season, but the collection? Quel snooze. I felt like I was watching a Spiegel show for grandmas circa 1987. There were a couple of cute-ish dresses but for the most part, I saw no innovation, no intrigue, nothing that wowed me in any way.

G-d love him, he was all about that fabric he made that said "ESOSA." That horrible, looks like the kerchief at my grandma's neck that doubled as an evening do-rag to keep her curls in place, fabric. Oy. (I will admit that I liked his coats -- maybe he has a future with London Fog, who knows? Ok, that was mean but I really have a hard time digesting people who are so blatantly full of themselves. It's called humility. Look it up.) (AND...and...how do these red leather gloves go with this overly shoulder-padded ensemble on the right?? How? The sleeves of this thing kill me.)


I'd like to point out how funny I think it is, as well, that the judges were so convinced that Emilio designed this collection to showcase his ability to be commercial and sell to big buyers. I think not; I think that was a sidebar to the whole thought process....much like when he made this atrocious pink "bathing suit" on purpose during the season. Those of us who watch the show know this was a total accident. And those of you who don't know this had to be a total accident.

photo threads magazine

Uh-huh.

ANTM

I'm a long time watcher of ANTM. There I said it. Phew, confession feels good. It horrifies me at times to watch these "aspiring models" act the way that they do. I usually close my eyes and shake my head thinking that this is why so many people have a hard time taking the fashion industry seriously. I think Tyra needs to add an IQ prerequisite to her application. But then I guess a room full of smart articulate girls wouldn't be as good for ratings.

Anyway, boring season all around with the exception of the presence of Andre Leon Talley who I adore. Adore, I tell you. I don't get the impression that the girls, however, understand the level of importance of Sir Talley. I doubt many of them knew who he even was before starting the competition. Surely if girl-next-store-boring-skinny-stick-insect Jessica knew who he was she would not have argued with him over the "drecktitude" of her hideous Charlotte Russe platform heels and removed them promptly (I do believe he also called them patently gauche...meaning she should have burned them right there on the stage). The man knows fashion...take notes (and the fact that he told me I looked fabulous the one time I met him means so much more to me now because he will tear a sister down in less than 2 seconds if he doesn't like what she's wearing).

My guess is it'll come down to these two in the end:

photos homorazzi

Raina and Angelea. Raina has a very Michaela Bercu thing going on (late '80's supermodel who also appeared in Coppola's Dracula) that I like but it is just that, late '80's (not that that's necessarily a bad thing). Then there's Angelea whose mouth I'd like to staple shut and put her through at least 10 rounds of the Sound of Music, Mary Poppins and both installments of The Princess Diaries. She is straight up Buffalo (and I can say that having spent an unfortunate amount of time there). But her pictures are breath taking and this is the third time she's tried for ANTM so you have to give her beaucoup credit for that. We'll see if she can clear up her speech enough to pacify the Cover Girl exec's. I hate to say I somehow doubt it but perhaps Julie Andrews is plugged to be a guest judge before it's all said and done.

Shoes (to distract and redeem myself from reality television)

I need shoes. And a bag. Why is it when you need something so simple as an every day black bag and a wearall black sandal/heel you can't find it? And why, oh great G-ds of Shoe, can there not be black sandals with black heels? I do not like the contrast of black straps with a cork, natural, or brown heel. KVLM is not a fan.

To torture myself truly, madly, deeply before plunging into the websites that I can actually afford and justify, I headed over to my be all and end of all of show worship for inspiration: Miu Miu. Can I just tell you how much I am dying for the sparrow-print pumps? Behold...



Sandals? No. But still, I would probably wear them with literally everything. Remember the wicked witch who wouldn't remove her ruby red slippers? Yeah, that'd be me (though not so necessarily wicked). You'd have to drop a house on me to remove them. But to the tune of $590 I had better look outside of Kansas.

So I head over to one of my all time favorite sites, shopstyle.com and search for black sandals under the price of $150 (oh how I wish there was a non-gladiator option in the search field; gladiators, go away. Rome fell for a reason and I think it was the shoes). I get to page 150 of "black sandals" and all I see are page after page of gladiator flats, gladiator cuffs, gladiator dominatrix heels, shoes I think Joaquin Phoenix donated from, well, The Gladitor mixed with the occasional sad little sandal that looks like something my 9 year old niece should wear and not me.

How can this be so hard?? Everything I find is well over my price range. I go to my usual...seychelles, zappos, 6pm, DSW, various and sundry department stores. Nothing.

So I'm frustrated. And I've got The Young Victoria in the DVD Player (beautiful website, by the way, for the film...do check it out; theme song by Sinead O'Connor is haunting). So I'm going to get some Victorian inspiration and start again tomorrow.

Why can you never find shoes when you really need them but the second you don't need one more damn pair on the floor of your closet, you could find a million pairs you want in under five minutes? Le sigh.

Of course I'll watch the movie on the woman for who I am named and I will immediately want to dress in lace, corsets, velvet and booties. But damn if it's not spring.

kvlm

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