Dear My Heaven Known As Marc Jacobs,
I love you, you know I really really do. When you were nerdy and gangly, I loved you. When you were a little paunch and not so shiney, I still loved you. And the Adonis of you now, well it's quite undeniable. But really? This is a little...much? And not muchness. Just straight up (or not straight as the case may be) much.
I appreciate where you've come from with your physique and it's quite exquisite now but we would have been fine perhaps with a shoulder? A somewhat less Master of the Gay Universe Big Bang Theory display of self-love? Maybe something a little artsy even or avant garde but honey this ad sings Liza Minnelli and buys its own shoes.
I'm concerned. Please call.
P.S. Where were your marketing people in all this? Because there isn't one straight boy on Earth that's gonna go up to the counter at any major department store and lay money down for Marc Jacobs' Bang. It just ain't gonna happen.