01 March 2011

Vanity, fair

This should be fairly painless...or at least, fairly easy...

You know how we all love Zooey Deschanel's quirky non-Hollywoodness? Well it looks like we've lost the top half of her at least to the makeover machine and the bottom half is struggling for its independence. None of which is ok.

Zoe Saldana in Prabal Gurung. Perfect. Except for that gold boxy clutchy thing. I'm not a fan of that. But the dress is a bit of heaven.

Taylor Swift, for a girl that writes hate lyrics to a number of Hollywood B-list actresses, you sure do spend an awful lot of time there.

Sofia Vergara is living proof of two things: Age does not matter when it comes to beauty and you don't have to put it all out there all of the time. I'd love to see her in something soft with a little less...of everything?

Naomi Watts apparently sat on a skunk on the way to the party. It looks like the skunk won. That's unfortunate. Here in Tennessee we know that smell all too well and I'm sure it did not win her any favors although it probably gave her a great excuse for her hair.

Mia Wasikowska is lovely and I simply cannot wait for her next film, Jane Eyre. But I'm confused by her continuous attempt at androgyny via the makeup-less face and non-blown out hair coupled with sexy avant garde-esque type frocks. Either drop the hem or put on some lips, you are confusing me!

Um, wow. How old do I feel? Madonna and child...who isn't so much a child anymore. I think Lourdes Leon is ridiculously pretty and I rest assured that although her skirt is too short (hey, she's young enough to be my daughter) that her very smart mother has raised her to value her talent, intelligence and creativity more than her legs. Right? Right? No? Maybe...?

Anyway, on the other hand said smart mom, I am about to say something to you I never thought I would given my die-hard fan status since grade five....cover it up, sister. We've seen it all before and it is no longer interesting.

Liv Tyler, as usual, is breathtaking and simple.

People tell me this is some child named Lea Michele from that show Glee, which I do not watch. Otherwise I would not have recognized her because, unlike every other awards show this season, she is not advertising her cleavage. (By the way, the dress is horrible.)

Leslie Mann -- love the color, love the cut, love it.

I. Am. In. Shock. Juliette Lewis looks normal! And pretty!! Yea!!! How glad are we not to see those 1981 leggings and blue hair?? Thrilled, I tell you, thrilled!

Please, someone, tell me what is going on with Ginnifer Godwin lately? For starters, while I love a good pixie cut, what is with the constant half-faux-hawk? And secondly, why is she forever wearing dresses that cut her petite frame into two mis-proportioned halves? But last, and certainly not least, why does she always look like a deer caught in headlights? I am concerned. And while I LOVE ERDEM, who designed this dress back in 2009, 2009 isn't exactly vintage and I'm confused as to why you would wear a past-season dress to an event as big as the VFP. But maybe that's just me (or why someone, ie. Ginnifer, should hire me as their stylist...just puttin' it out there).

Why, hello there, Jason Statham. That is all.

What in the world is Eva Mendes wearing? It looks like she forgot her bodice and someone ripped some tulle off her skirt to cover up her mammaries. A very strange look indeed.

Well done, Emma Roberts. The color is perfect for you.

Which is more than I can say for Ellen Barkin. Never is it ok to match your hair to your dress to your shoes to your bag. We do not do matchy matchy. Especially not on the red carpet.

Dear Hollywood and all of your nether regions worldwide, Charlize Theron knows how to do it. Please take note.

Way too short. And, might I add, too small?

Claire Danes looks like she just wandered out of the hospital during an exam. Obviously she did not think this one through.

Bryce Dallas Howard is another one I've been concerned with as of late. I kind of want to love the dress but I don't know that it's right for this event. Well, I know what it's not right for...the hose! Or the shoes for that matter. None of this works together except the color of the dress with her hair -- that I love.

Anna Kendrick, are we supposed to unwrap you and if so, ew. Too much, especially with the side swept hair on the opposite side from the side bow bodice.

Amanda Seyfried -- you may have been better of wearing this to lunch or casting but not on the RC. Plus, can you tone down the sexy -- you are like 12 and I can't take it. That Interview Magazine photo shoot you just did sent me to the bathroom to wash my eyes out -- with acid.

Abbie Cornish. Great dress, nice bag -- a little hair color and you would have nailed it.

I really hope the Oscars are better next year. Cross my heart and kiss my elbow for 84! And although I've sadly neglected awards season this year, I am so glad it's over! Maybe I'm outgrowing my fascination.

Nah.

xoxo,
kvlm

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