Oh, Oscar!

Yes, it's that time of year again -- time for my take on the Oscars! Sadly, we had to cut our Sunday viewing extravaganza (which began at 3:00) short because apparently I have relocated my family to the land of extreme weather. Another round of tornadoes and I am officially over it. I'm even beyond being scared. When it cuts into my Oscar time, I just get annoyed (I know, I know...my priorities get out of line where fashion and cinema are concerned, what can I tell you?). I love the Oscars, though -- they remind me of so many things...my love for a good dress, a childhood dream of being in movies, my grandmother's tattered copy of David O. Selznick's Hollywood, watching the telecast with my family every year...and now just making my husband and sister completely insane with my incessant need to catch every second of the before, the during and the after. It's one of my annual super girly-girl moments so bear with me.

So let's start with three major not-worth-talking-about-really talking points in regards to dear Oscar:

1. Anne Hathaway and James Franco -- while I appreciated her (unyielding and sometimes childlike) enthusiasm and while I know he has played some brilliant roles, they are not Oscar hosts. That was the absolute worst Oscar telecast in 83 years (ie. ever). Seriously. There's a reason they normally choose seasoned comedic types.
   
2. Did J Lo sponsor the Oscars because OMG if I see one more J Lo commercial I'm going to boycott...everyone! She's the new Jessica Simpson.
3. There comes a point where costume changes are just really annoying. 9? That's overkill people. Please reference point #1.

Maybe #3 isn't totally not worth highlighting -- she did, after all, manage to very seamlessly change her look 9 total times during the show, including hair and jewelry for which she was reportedly paid $750,000 to wear. (Really?) Let's take a gander, shall we?

I'm trying to steer away from acknowledging the designer because I find that when I know whose hands were responsible for something, it can sometimes sway my opinion (for example Zoe Saldana's Givenchy last year -- I still think all that purple ombred puffiness was perfection but apparently I was the only one...on earth). But this gorgeous red could only be Valentino. Archival Valentino at that. And I swoon.

Her first and second looks, respectively, during the telecast. I actually liked the first dress although I thought it was a little too overly adorned and she kept putting her hands all over it which was distracting but it's pretty and she looked great. As for the second, any girl in a tux with a high pony and discoball shoes is ok in my book.

No on the first. It's Vivienne Westwood but no. She looked like a vampiric puritan. However, I love the second and the hair was perfecto!

The liquid blue Armani Prive worked for her coloring but she only had it on for like 4 seconds so I couldn't really come to terms with my emotions. I need at least 6 seconds for that. The Atelier Versace below, which she eventually wore to the Vanity Fair Party, was divine. But her finale dress, the Tom Ford lacey-sequined turtleneck column dress, while Tom Ford, was too severe for her if not too old.
What about the rest of the Red Carpet Wanderers you ask? Oh, there are so many.

Virginia Madsen. It is probably not a good idea to wear anything that can be compared to -- or may look like it was made from -- a swan when one of the films nominated is called Black Swan. Just a friendly suggestion.
Scarlett Johansson in Dolce & Gabbana. I wasn't sure about the color at first because it's a bit garish on the red carpet, but I later decided I love it. Good choice.

Sandra B. in Vera Wang. LOVE this dress -- red was so super popular this year. Normally stylists stay away from red on the red carpet, but that seems to be a fear factor that is disappearing. Bellissima!

So Wikipedia and my husband tell me that this tool box to the left, Rupert Murdoch, owns Fox News and while that annoys the living hell out of me politically, I like his trophy wife's dress.

Reese Witherspoon in Armani Prive. Again with the high pony. Love it, love her. She's an intelligent charismatic every girl's girl. She just looks happy and honestly that is really the best accessory you can have.

Penelope Cruz...honey, I just don't know. On the one hand, specifically your right hand, you have the demigod otherwise known as Javiar Bardem. On the other hand, you just had a baby and I can totally respect the fact that diapers and bottles take over the part of your brain that processes fashion. But, honey, no. It looks a bit like a Phoenix which I can respect figuratively but literally? Uh uh.

Let's do this one as a math equation because, hey, I'm an English major so that should be fun, right? The bangs in relation to the necklace in proportion to the dress plus the bedazzled bodice of the (Dior) dress divided by the pink shoes = No. Not now. Not ever. Especially not Oscar.

Natalie Portman in Rodarte. Pregnant women really are so otherworldly beautiful, it doesn't even really matter what they wear (although that Golden Globes number was seriously questionable).
Michelle Williams in Chanel Couture. The dress has almost a milk glass shimmer to it that I love. She radiates.

Mandy Moore in Monique Lhuillier, both dresses. I love the first one, it really is just simply pretty. But I wasn't nuts about her lip color being so matchy matchy to her hair color but then I'm OCD so what do I know? The blue however really just about did me in. Sesame Street called, they want Snuffalufagus' drag look back.

Mila Kunis in lilac Elie Saab. This girl knows how to dress for her body type and her coloring. She came in a close second for best dressed in my book.

Marisa Tomei is getting a lot of negative feedback on her vintage Charles James navy gown but, as I'm sure you guessed, I love it. If it's vintage, I am suckered in especially if it predates 1959. But that's not the only reason I loved it so. The biggest reason was because she was in love with that dress and appreciated it's historical significance and that made it work. I would have suggested she have it tailored to fit her correctly in the bodice, however. As for her VF look? Quel snooze. She even looks bored.

Melissa Leo would have been better off wearing her VFP dress to the Oscars than the dress she chose which I immediately acclaimed looked like a doily draped over Jiffy Pop Deluxe.

Jennifer Lawrence in Calvin Klein. If you have a stylist, JL, I hope you sent her flowers this morning. Although I'm sure you didn't eat for 72 hours prior to slipping into this frock, she/he did you right here.

Jennifer Hudson in tangerine Versace. What's really amazing is the transformation JH has undergone with the help of Weight Watchers. You can't not applaud that. But I'm uber distracted by her ta-tas. That's just unnatural.

Helena Bonham Carter in Colleen Atwood, ie. the costume designer for Alice in Wonderland. I love you, Helena. Don't ever change, you brilliant, anti-Hollywood, dark horse.

Halle Berry in Marchesa. I am not loving the tulle on the bottom of this dress. In the original design, it was much more...bountiful? I do love my tulle. But she looks like a goddess and, I swear, does she not age? Beautiful.

Hailee Steinfeld, also in Marchesa which she helped to design. She is an adorable confection of bubbly girliness with some serious acting skills.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....oh, I'm sorry, I must have fallen asleep trying to process Gwyneth Paltrow standing in front of Oscar in a gold dress.

It's hard to pull off gold on the RC for the Oscars when the statue everyone is coveting is the same bloody color. I'd dare say it's completely taboo. However, I do love the cut of the second dress but the color, too, is a total snoozefest.

Florence Welch and all her magnetic thunder in Valentino Couture. Again with the not so exciting neutrals. Pale girls need color. But I do love the dress and I love her, just not together.

Cate, wonderful, Cate. In Givenchy. J'adore!

But I have to give it to Camila Alves, best dressed Oscars and Vanity Fair Party. Seriously, I have to admit, before I never really noticed her -- she was a bit too tan, a bit too bikini, and a bit too blond. But, um, wow. She is simply exquisite in both to the point that I am like, where's Matthew McConaughey (and his adorable Texas drawl)? She literally makes him disappear. If anyone else on earth had worn the black appliqued dress on the right, they would have looked ridiculous but her smooth, natural looks and cool, mysterious spirit? Enchanting.

Annette Bening and Warren Beatty's adoration on the Red Carpet for one another won me over. Though the dress does scare me a little bit.

Amy Adams in L'Wren Scott. While I didn't totally understand the jewelry, I adore her in this dress -- it's such a welcome reprieve from some of the more boring frocks she's donned as of late. The color is perfect for her and the cut is amazing. Definitely my third favorite!

The Vanity Fair Party is up next!

xoxo,
kvlm