A Blog Longer than any Mickey Rourke Speech Could Have Ever Been...

Ah, Oscar night. There are a million reasons I sit down at 6:00 and stick it out til the bitter end of the Oscars (which was nearly midnight last night), most of them being the dresses. But last night's Oscar performance really was a departure from anything I've seen since I started watching it at the tender age of 4. It was a SHOW. Not just a snooze fest of long drawn out speeches and thank you's; it was David O. Selznick's Hollywood, it was the Coconut Club, it was pretty damn cool. Hugh Jackman was wonderful, the set was gorgeous and I loved the overall way it was shot. I commend you, Academy, even if I don't always agree with you.

Now about those dresses...I have to start with my absolute favorite. Penelope Cruz definitely won for best dressed last night in a 60 year old Pierre Balmain. She was exquisite; of course I'm a sucker for vintage couture but especially a sucker for someone who wears it as beautifully and non-pretentiously as Penelope (take a cue, SJP). I'm so thrilled she won for best supporting actress; I just think she is a doll.

Let's talk about Amy Adams. I love Amy Adams in ways I can't even explain. Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day should have been nominated and I'm still kind of pissed that it wasn't, if not just for costume design. Wth? Anyway, I'm not sure how I feel about Amy's Herrera. It's kind of like a Jello Mold...interesting to look at but you could kind of take it or leave it for taste sake. Ok, weird analogy but you get me.


A quick line on Jessica Biel because that's really all I have for her. Interesting Prada choice; I realize a lot of critics weren't crazy about it but I think it's...interesting. (Which is kind of like fine, but more...substantial?) I'm just glad she finally looks like a girl and not some anime action figure waiting to kick my ass.

Marion Cotillard can do no wrong fashion-wise in my book. This Dior is heaven.

Viola Davis. Radiant. Glowing. Flawless in Reem Acra. Loved her.


I'm not even really sure who Melissa George is or why she was at the Oscars but she needs to fire her stylist. Like yesterday. She looks like a ballerina shoved into a sausage skin. Just sayin'.

Taraji P. Henson is adorable. Wow, is she super cute and super bubbly. And her dress? Super hot. Roberto Cavalli.

I know I should only pick on people my own size and really shouldn't give a Disney kid any sort of flack but in the name of Hepburn (Audrey and Kate), I'm gonna have to say this to get it out of my system. This is Vanessa Hudgwhateverhernameis. My nieces, I'm sure, love her. I don't know much about her; she's probably a lovely person. But unfortunately she has just bought herself a one way ticket to the island I created for Jennifer Love Hewitt. I GET (trust me, I get) the Hepburn obsession. Love her, or them for that matter, from a distance. Don't copy them verbatim and please please don't compare yourselves to them in public. No one will ever be Audrey or Katherine again. It's just not going to happen. So Vanessa Hudgenfrock said she chose this Marchesa because it reminded her of a young Audrey Hepburn. This is funny on two levels to me because other than the cut of the lower half which mildly resembles Audrey's Givenchy in Sabrina, this dress doesn't look anything like her. It's more Paula Abdul in my book. The other thing is exactly how does one say a "young Audrey Hepburn" when they are like a) 12 and b) unaware that the Audrey was in fact "young" until the day she died. Ugh. Ok, over protective and territorial...coming down off ledge...ggrrr...disney kids....ggrrrr.

Angelina in Elie Saab. Not sure I really dig the dress but it was a perfect fit for the gems because you could see those suckers about a mile away. They must have been special Chernobyl emeralds or something, my girl was aglow.

Heidi Klum can pretty much wear whatever the hell she wants. She's Heidi Klum. And she's married to Seal. Talk about a perfect couple. But what in the name of Tim Gunn was she wearing last night? I mean seriously, gather round. I'm intrigued. And not in a good way. I understand it's Roland Mouret but I'd have worn a Kenley "original" before I'd worn this. The color is bad, the jewelry is bad, the hair is bad, the shoes are reeallll bad. Of course she's still hot even looking bad but Heidi, this is a lot of look. Edit, sister, Edit.


Thank you, dear heavenly gods Dolce and Gabbana for FINALLY putting Diane Lane in a dress that is as sexy as she is. Ever since The Outsiders (ok, I just totally dated myself) I have thought Diane Lane was one of the most ridiculously sexy women in Hollywood but usually her fashion choices leave me longing for a bit of Cherry. She finally nailed it. Hoorah.

You know, I never even saw Virginia Madsen in last night's telecast and that's just a shame because WOW does she look incredible..total honorable mention for her in this Kevan Hall number. She is stunning.

When they fall, they fall hard. Not to say that SJP's dress isn't EXQUISITE, I mean, hello, it's Dior Haute Couture (as she told us on her way into the Kodak Theatre roughly 500 times), but the overall affect? Yuck. I just picked up this month's Bazaar with SJP on the cover; I've been a fan for awhile though I have to say I think her style icon-ism really is at the hands of Patricia Fields (did ya see Square Pegs?). In the issue, SJP depicts Dianna Vreeland in several rather disturbingly Dianna perfect portraits. I love that she did that; Dianna Vreeland was an amazing woman and dare I say we need to "witness" these tales of the Dianna's and the Carmel's so that future generations understand the role they played in fashion as we go down the runway of life. However, rolling the Vreeland look out into public mixed with a typically Sarah ballet dress? Yeah, not so much. And I mean, seriously, I know there are people in the world who don't pronounce haute couture correctly but repeating it over and over only served to make you seem oh so uber pretentious and I'd really like to not think of you that way. So, next time, tone it down a notch; and turn the blond back on in your hair. That color with "barely mint" is barely tolerable.

Frieda Pinto is smashing in this blue John Galliano. All the critics have raved and raved about it. I'd like to note that I think she is the only person on Earth who could have pulled this off though. That color on her skin mixed with her effortless grace and beauty are a perfect match.

I have admired Meryl Streep for years; decades even. Not only is she one of the greatest actresses of all time, I also think she is a great beauty. When I rented Mamma Mia, I won't lie, I was scared. By the end of it, I was not only disappointed that it was over but I found myself repeatedly thinking, damn I hope I look like that when I'm that age. Mamma was smokin'. So you'd think a putty colored Alberta Ferreti gown would be the last thing on earth you'd see her in after such an amazing year. Think again.

I joke that Tilda Swinton is really a droid but the truth is, I'm wildly curious about her. She's kind of gorgeous in a very almost Taltos kind of way isn't she? And her style?? Totally avant garde and envelope pushing. Yeah, I love her. And she's in Lanvin. I love her even more.

Another of my favorites: Marisa Tomei in Versace. There's just something about Marisa Tomei that all guys love and most girls envy. Fantastic dress choice.

When Kate Winslet first stepped out onto the red carpet, my immediate reaction was, Dear G-d, she looks just like Grace Kelly. And she did. She's so classy; so demure; and I admire her greatly. She absolutely deserved her Best Actress win last night; it's been a long time coming. On the flip side of that, however, (please, G-d, forgive me for what I'm about to say) after looking at the dress and hair from every conceivable angle, I just cannot say...I love it? Ok, yes, I love the dress. In its cut, design, the fact that it is Yves Saint Laurent. The color is heaven. But it's just too...dowager? A bit old for her, I think that's my issue. You see I just think she is so divine and I'd like to see her in something that is neither of these three things: blue, black or slate gray. I think she'd be smashing in pink or yellow even. Call me, Kate, we'll go shop.

And speaking of those who dress a little too beyond their age range. I go back and forth with Anne Hathaway. I mean, I love the clothes, from a fashion-addict perspective. She has phenomenal taste. BUT just because you love something does not (does not does not) mean you should wear it (a lesson I wish I'd learned about ten years earlier, thank you chiffon 3/4 length jacket over leggings with clogs!) Anyfrock, I love this Armani Prive dress but I just want to see her in something more fun; something that says, yes I kick ass. Not just, yes, look at me, I'm a serious actress above the Hollywood hype. We know you are serious, you are a brillant actress. Just loosen up. Personally, I liked the dress she wore to dance with Jackman far better than this very stately and severe frock.

Reese Witherspoon wasn't the only one to don Rodarte last night (Natalie Portman's bubble gum pink was also a Rodarte) and honestly I didn't really like either of them. This blue and black number doesn't do anything for her at all. Not the color, especially not the cut. Luckily for Reese, she's not only a gorgeous girl on the outside but she's gorgeous on the inside so shortly after she started talking I completely forgot about what looks like a high school mascot got shredded to bits by the rival team and glued back together as a dress. Or something like that.

Last, but certainly not least, Jennifer Aniston in Valentino. For those of you who may not know (ie. those of you don't give a shit about the Oscars unlike your up-too-late on a school night friend here), Jennifer presented two awards shortly into the night with actor Jack Black. In front of Brad and Angelina. Directly in front of. As in they were seated in the front row of what is typically the orchestra pit. As in Angie was on Jennifer's lap. And I can't imagine how uncomfortable that had to be for all of them. Awkward. I think Jennifer is adorable and quite honestly, I feel for her. For all the "uncools" she kind of held it together quite well while the ENTIRE world talked about her love life ad nauseum for what, five years? I'd say she's pretty kick ass. However, I'd like to put her stylist out of a job. Valentino? Gorgeous. Classic. Silver? Ok, pretty, shiney, light colors were very in this year. Braid in hair? Cute, quirky, very California girl. BUT COME ON!!! Can someone please hook her up with some Vivienne Westwood or Alexander McQueen? Or maybe even ask Tom Ford for a favor??? Golden Rule of relationship take 'n bakes: if you have to show up directly in front of the ex and the ex snatcher, do it with a bang! It's kind of like still putting on lipstick when you've had the flu for 2 days. Pointless but oh so necessary.

Represent, girls, represent.


xoxoxo, kvlm

Oh SNAP! Cackle Frock

I'm not really sure in what universe this outfit is ok; and if such a universe exists where it is ok, I don't ever want to know about its discovery as I'm sure it would only destroy any idea of good and evil I have in the world.

After the week of Gywneth Paltrow kind of being all over the place following her very "controversial" (read: unacceptable) cover of the UK Elle Fashion issue (see below) and the premiere of her new film, Two Lovers, I'm a little surprised her stylist let her out into the world dressed this way. But then it occurred to me...she probably doesn't have a stylist because what stylist would allow such a fashion atrocity? Ok, Jessica Simpson's stylist probably but I think she's too busy being fired after the mom-jean-double-buckle-belt-tank incident of '09. But I digress...

Then it REALLY dawned on me. Perhaps this is the proposed influence of the Great One, as has been repeatedly suggested. The Great One, of course, being Madonna. Then I thought: but the thing is Gwynnie, Madonna could probably get away with leather shorts, leggings (footless of course), gold lame and gray suede kicks. But only Madonna. And only because Madonna wears her clothes, they don't wear her.

This is just bad on so many levels. It's not interesting; it's not unique; it's not avant garde; it's just a sheer and total disregard for the laws and rules of dressing. It's not this. This is fabulous in a way that only can be created (and worn) for a magazine like the UK's Elle. However, I'd like to jump on the no-this-cover-is-not-ok-because-it's-her bandwagon. Don't get me wrong, I'm not super anti-GP (she grates me but I don't know the girl; you really shouldn't judge people you don't know, as my stoic father always said), but then there are moments where my inner-Yenta gets the best of me and I just cannot help myself.

First of all, I'm about tired of having celebrities on the covers of all my fashion mags. I mean, seriously, some of us fashion junkies actually prefer models. I long for the days of Linda, Christy and their ilk. I only buy Vogue twice a year now (though I love you long time, Andre) because I'm so tired of the Blake Lively's of the world gracing the cover. I get that we are a celebrity obsessed society and hey, it sells. But shouldn't Vogue, and therefore all others, be above that? Leave the celebrity covers to Glamour and Cosmo. Give me REAL fashion. Please!

Second, I can think of at least five other worthy (authentic) Brits for this cover. I'm confused as to why GP is a "fashion darling." I'd rather see her mother, personally, in Armani Prive than to see this. Her fashion choices, as can be noted above, are ridiculously questionable and always have been (don't even get me started on the ballet pink Ralph Lauren number she accepted her Oscar in...ew ew and ew).

Third, did you read the interview? I only read excerpts and who knows, maybe the writer took some things out of context (it's not like writers aren't notorious for doing just that) but saying, "F**k the haters!" and then going on about smoking and drinking as if the haters are Camel-addicted alcoholics and she is grasping for the "i'm-still-cool" straw is a bit laughable. People don't hate you, GP, for the reasons you think. I think people are confused by you. You are married to a man who strenuously supports Fair Trade and you run on ad nauseam about your $600 jeans and Balenciaga bags. It's like people who go on and on while looking down there $10,000 nose job at you as they tote their Whole Foods bag to their gas guzzling $60,000 car as if you aren't as good as they are. It's hypocrisy and I am not a fan of hypocrites. Not to say that if I had your income I wouldn't shop til I drop on a regular, but advertising it is insulting.

These are hard times for us "little people." I don't know that we are so much "haters" as we are just people trying to make it in a world where the upper echelon continues to build wealth while the middle class is grossly depleted. Sure, I wish I had time for a newsletter on my macrobiotic recipes I make in all my free time for my adoring family but I'm too busy trying to keep it real. At the end of the day, I just think that's more important.

kisses, kvlm