12 February 2009

Oh SNAP! Cackle Frock

I'm not really sure in what universe this outfit is ok; and if such a universe exists where it is ok, I don't ever want to know about its discovery as I'm sure it would only destroy any idea of good and evil I have in the world.

After the week of Gywneth Paltrow kind of being all over the place following her very "controversial" (read: unacceptable) cover of the UK Elle Fashion issue (see below) and the premiere of her new film, Two Lovers, I'm a little surprised her stylist let her out into the world dressed this way. But then it occurred to me...she probably doesn't have a stylist because what stylist would allow such a fashion atrocity? Ok, Jessica Simpson's stylist probably but I think she's too busy being fired after the mom-jean-double-buckle-belt-tank incident of '09. But I digress...

Then it REALLY dawned on me. Perhaps this is the proposed influence of the Great One, as has been repeatedly suggested. The Great One, of course, being Madonna. Then I thought: but the thing is Gwynnie, Madonna could probably get away with leather shorts, leggings (footless of course), gold lame and gray suede kicks. But only Madonna. And only because Madonna wears her clothes, they don't wear her.

This is just bad on so many levels. It's not interesting; it's not unique; it's not avant garde; it's just a sheer and total disregard for the laws and rules of dressing. It's not this. This is fabulous in a way that only can be created (and worn) for a magazine like the UK's Elle. However, I'd like to jump on the no-this-cover-is-not-ok-because-it's-her bandwagon. Don't get me wrong, I'm not super anti-GP (she grates me but I don't know the girl; you really shouldn't judge people you don't know, as my stoic father always said), but then there are moments where my inner-Yenta gets the best of me and I just cannot help myself.

First of all, I'm about tired of having celebrities on the covers of all my fashion mags. I mean, seriously, some of us fashion junkies actually prefer models. I long for the days of Linda, Christy and their ilk. I only buy Vogue twice a year now (though I love you long time, Andre) because I'm so tired of the Blake Lively's of the world gracing the cover. I get that we are a celebrity obsessed society and hey, it sells. But shouldn't Vogue, and therefore all others, be above that? Leave the celebrity covers to Glamour and Cosmo. Give me REAL fashion. Please!

Second, I can think of at least five other worthy (authentic) Brits for this cover. I'm confused as to why GP is a "fashion darling." I'd rather see her mother, personally, in Armani Prive than to see this. Her fashion choices, as can be noted above, are ridiculously questionable and always have been (don't even get me started on the ballet pink Ralph Lauren number she accepted her Oscar in...ew ew and ew).

Third, did you read the interview? I only read excerpts and who knows, maybe the writer took some things out of context (it's not like writers aren't notorious for doing just that) but saying, "F**k the haters!" and then going on about smoking and drinking as if the haters are Camel-addicted alcoholics and she is grasping for the "i'm-still-cool" straw is a bit laughable. People don't hate you, GP, for the reasons you think. I think people are confused by you. You are married to a man who strenuously supports Fair Trade and you run on ad nauseam about your $600 jeans and Balenciaga bags. It's like people who go on and on while looking down there $10,000 nose job at you as they tote their Whole Foods bag to their gas guzzling $60,000 car as if you aren't as good as they are. It's hypocrisy and I am not a fan of hypocrites. Not to say that if I had your income I wouldn't shop til I drop on a regular, but advertising it is insulting.

These are hard times for us "little people." I don't know that we are so much "haters" as we are just people trying to make it in a world where the upper echelon continues to build wealth while the middle class is grossly depleted. Sure, I wish I had time for a newsletter on my macrobiotic recipes I make in all my free time for my adoring family but I'm too busy trying to keep it real. At the end of the day, I just think that's more important.

kisses, kvlm

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