04 February 2009

Frock 'n Boots

I'm a little behind so I'm going to see if I can crunch a few thoughts swirling around in my mind like a Pucci print (honestly, my brain probably looks like a Pucci which isn't so good when you think about it from a psychiatric stand point).

Let's talk about flat boots. Flat boots are very posh; they kind of give you that air of "I've-just-been-running-around-my-estate-in-the-countryside-of-England" feel and I completely dig that. However, there are rules.

1) They should not now, or ever (ok, maybe Halloween) make you look like a pirate

2) They should not now, or ever, make your foot look like some sort of strange alien life form by contorting it into kid leather that essentially makes your big toe bone stick out like you have bunions larger than an elephant.

3) They should not now, or ever, make you look like a Merrymen. I don't care if your father's name is Robin and your last name is Hood; if you look like an extra from a film set, take them off. Post haste!

4) They should not now, or ever, be worn with skirts of the wrong length; tricky business. Luckily, tall girls can get away with this much easier than those below the 5 and 5 mark. A knee length skirt on someone not of supermodel height, with flat boots, unless she's just a bean pole, will only serve to make her southern hemisphere look like a block. And no one aspires to be a block. And don't even get me started on wearing full maxi skirts with flat boots; I start having horrid visions of my Medieval Lit teacher and her support hose. Not pretty.

Flat boots are best worn with skinny jeans, pencil skirts, and mini's. Or basically follow the rule of porportion: what is above the thing that makes you look wider, wear something that makes you look smaller. Boots are fashioned for utility, of course, but also to make us feel a little manly. Therefore, your calves and feet might look a little larger. You don't want your butt sitting on top of that looking larger, do you? No, no you don't. Same goes for billowy chiffony or Grecian tops. Would you wear matching billowy pants? Only if you are Mrs. Roper. I saw a girl roaming about town yesterday with scrunchy flat boots, opaque tights, a floral baby doll belted at the empire waist with a super skinny belt. She had somewhat effortlessly captured that balance. I would have asked to take her photo but I'm afraid, in these parts, that might make me come off as some type of reportable stalker. The look was simple, chic and very late sixties London.

Anyway, I thought of posting some basic do and don't pictures but I got bored with that idea before it was even typed into search; I am sure you get the point. Instead, I'm going to give you the genius that is Alexander McQueen Fall 2009 Preview. Dear, Sweet G-d, thank you for Alexander McQueen. xoxoxo, kvlm

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