The Oscars!

First, let me say that I have never sat for that long in one place ever in my whole life besides an airplane. For the first time ever I was able to catch the E coverage and the pre-show on ABC. What that means for me is that my fashion photographic mind remembers essentially every dress and every designer. So when I go to find Sandy Powell and Michelle Pfeiffer's shots online and I can't find them, well my erratic OCD kicks into overdrive. It would be nice if someone (other than Getty Images who you have to pay to use) would capture every single dress so that those of us who cling to a thorough review as a way of bringing our minds to a climatic and detailed closure are not left frustrated by the inefficiencies of the paparazzi. Where are they when their services are truly needed?

So I'm going to go break this down in three levels: Yes! Meh. And Yeah, No.

Come with me now...

Yes!

Sandra Bullock in Marchesa

It doesn't hurt that I really love Sandra Bullock but I fully think she deserves Best Dressed for her look from head to toe last night. Why do I love her? Well, for those of you who think maybe she's not the most diverse actress on the planet, she reminds us that there are those people in Hollywood who are really centered, down to earth and giving. I love that she is so in love with her husband, her work and her place in the universe. It's inspiring.

The dress is getting a little flack from what I hear, specifically critics have called it matronly. I have to disagree. It's elegant and a throwback to classic Hollywood, which seems the perfect path to choose when you are nominated for Best Actress. She looks exquisite. The thing about her, though, that makes this dress even more perfect, is that she has that tomboy thing going on (think Kate Hepburn) so putting her in a big, poufy dress just does not work -- a dress like this is the solution. It's perfect. It's sophisticated, not matronly.

Anna Kendrick in Elie Saab

Second place for Best Dressed. It's gorgeous and soft and the color for her, especially with her lose chestnut hair, is perfect. There was a lot of pink on the red carpet but this one won hands down (sorry JLo). The draping is perfectly done, the overall look sweet, but the scalloped lace of the slit hints at a slightly sexier side to Anna. This was a brilliant pick for her. Her stylist deserves a raise.

Luciana Damon in Christian Lacroix

I'm giving Mrs. Matt Damon third place for Best Dressed for three significant reasons:

1.) The color (again with the blush) is divine on an olive complexion with dark hair. I know so many people with this coloring who shy away from pink but it works. And works really well (sister, listen up!).
2.) The draping is absolutely to die for. She looks like a goddess.
3.) It's Christian Lacroix. Anyone who wears Lacroix gets big air kisses from me (you know, because of H1N1).

Kristen Stewart in Monique Lhuillier

Many years ago, my girlfriend Beth got married. She was living in Florida and she called me to tell me how she'd just had a fitting with the designer of her dress, a newbie named Monique Lhuillier. That's when Lhuillier was strictly bridal. So when I find her dresses on the red carpet, it's really exciting to me to see someone who so successfully crossed over.

But poor Kristen Stewart, she is so uncomfortable in her celebrity. She was so nervous when she presented with the ever cool Taylor Lautner (who rocked Dolce & Gabbana), I just wanted to hug her. She really shouldn't be so nervous, she looks amazing in this dress. The color (which I believe is actually navy and not black) and the cut are unbelievably chic for such a young actress. Leaving her hair and makeup so simple, too, just adds to the overall look. Proof that you do not have to over do it, over accessorize it, or over coif it.

Jennifer Lopez in Armani Prive

Ok, ok, I'll throw JLo in there now (everyone is talking about this dress!). Yes, the dress is a perfect confection of iridescent pink sculptured heaven. Again with the simple hair and makeup. It's a lot of dress for someone who is not actually nominated for an award though.

I have nothing else here. (Except I wonder how much she wanted to take down Amanda Seyfried?)

Amanda Seyfried in, um, Armani Prive

So their dresses are quite similar. They seem to have the same sheen, maybe even the same fabric or, the very least, from the same story. I think Amanda's is actually a very, very pale green and JLo's is a very, very pale pink. And though I know everyone says JLo is like a wicked witch on the inside who will probably eat Amanda Seyfried for lunch, I don't really believe that.

But since I'm safe from JLo's snacking habits, I will say this. Amanda Seyfried's dress is better. It's just too old for her.

Kate Winslet in Yves Saint Laurent

I keep writing and erasing, writing and erasing. Kate is hot. Kate looks young. Kate's dress is fantastic. Kate. Kate. Kate.

That is all.

Kathryn Bigelow in Yves Saint Laurent

Speaking of YSL...I struggled with putting this in the Yes! category or in the Meh. category. I'll tell you why. It borders on Meh. because it's a bit bridesmaid. But, more importantly it's a Yes! because the color on her is perfect, her figure is perfect, she's the first female best director recipient and just overall a badass. Well done, Kathryn Bigelow, well done.

Maggie Gyllenhaal in Dries Van Noten

Thank you, G-d, that someone wore something other than the standard red carpet fare. This column dress in blue, black and white is just perfect for Maggie Gyllenhaal who tends to rock the diverse fashion angle whenever she can. It's got that vintage vibe she's known for but the cut is completely contemporary. And blue on a brunette? A lovely and striking contrast.

Zoe Saldana in Givenchy Couture

Why, oh why, is Zoe Saldana getting such a hard time for this dress? It's Givenchy Couture people! Straight off the Parisian runway for Spring!! OMG, let me die now!!!!!!!!!

Ok, ok, shake it off.

I'll tell you why I love this dress. First, the color on her skin is perfect. Second, those ombred balls of ruffles are undoubtedly handstitched because, did I mention this, it's COUTURE. Third, it's a smart choice for a young actress to make such a bold and dramatic selection from such a classic Hollywood favorite fashion house. Don't forget, Givenchy dressed Audrey Hepburn for years (among others). Well done, indeed!

Queen Latifah in a Badgley Mischka

Again, this color on a skin tone like Queen Latifah's (like Zoe Saldana's) is a perfect choice. I should have put Queen Latifah in my top three so let's just pretend that she's up there because she totally took my breath way last night. This dress is a perfect cut for her figure, too. You know all those size 2's who didn't eat for a week beforehand were giving her demon eyes last night, you just know it.

Sigourney Weaver in Lanvin

Anyone who wears Lanvin is ok in my book. Or more than ok, really. Can someone please tell me what Sigourney's secret is because she just looks fantastic. The color is rich and although the belt and shoulder clasp might have been too much for some, it very much works on her. Maybe she's just grandiose enough to handle all that La-la-la-la-Lanvin! Yummy. And what's with hating on her because she wears this silhouette repeatedly? If a cut works for you, rock it.

Cameron Diaz in Oscar de La Renta

This dress looks like a star exploded right over the top of her perfectly coifed head. I absolutely love it. This is how she should dress every single time she steps onto the red carpet. It screams movie star!

Penelope Cruz in Donna Karan

Do I need to even say anything? Ok, well I have to say one thing for sure. Notice how completely comfortable and fidget free she looks? Proof that you can have both beauty and comfort in a gown. A lot of women wind up looking like either they are not breathing or that they cannot sit. But then she's wearing Donna Karan who is kind of a genius at doing just that. I heart.

Meryl Streep in Chris March

And speaking of comfortable red carpet wear, Meryl went again to Chris March. These long column dresses with the inset belt and the excellent draping at the chest are perfect for Meryl so it's no wonder she keeps going back to them. She looks young and modern but absolutely age appropriate.

Molly Ringwald in Todd Thomas

I was really blown away when Molly Ringwald stepped on stage last night. I don't think I've ever seen her look more beautiful. Her hair looks gorgeous and the color of this dress is absolutely perfect for her. She looks super sexy.

Rachel McAdams in Elie Saab

This dress looks like a floating rose garden dream that someone swirled with a paint brush. It's heaven. There's not much more to say about it other than this is the reason celebrities go to Elie Saab.

Nicole Richie in Reem Acra

And I thought it was vintage. It certainly has that vintage feel to it that Nicole usually leans toward. Considering how tiny she is, this dress makes her look ten feet tall.

Susan Geston in Monique Lhuillier and Jeff Bridges in Gucci

Romantic. Strong. Lovely. I kind of love them. She looks amazing!

Julianne Moore in Calvin Klein

Julianne Moore's silvery Calvin Klein makes her look very dewy and young. And she's 50. That's kind of yummy.

Meh.

Mariah Carey in Valentino.

I hate to hate on Mariah Carey, she seems so very sweet. But. But but but. Too much chest, too much leg. Pick one or the other (and preferably the latter). Also the shoes are killing me. That color shoe just throws off the whole dress and again with the platform inset making the feet look so clunky and club like. Also I think Elizabeth Taylor wants her brooch back.

Miley Cyrus in Jenny Packham

No one can argue that Miley is a beautiful girl and has a beautiful shape. And this dress is simply Cinderella. However she ruins it with two things: not standing up straight and not choosing the right size. It was so painfully obvious that the dress did not fit which is why, actually, she wasn't standing up straight. It's ok to go up a size, ladies. No one will know.

Helen Mirren in Badgley Mischka

I love you Helen. That is all.

Elizabeth Banks in Versace

Let me clarify: I love this dress. It is so beautiful. Unfortunately, in this shot, you can't see how overdone her accessories are though. This dress would have been in my top three best dressed if she'd left off some of the bling. The ring, the earrings, the headband, and the shoes, which are silver and, dear Lord, platform, are complete overkill. Tone it down, sister.

Charlize Theron in (of course) Dior

I'm putting this in the Meh. category because she looks beautiful in the color and, well, it's Dior. I like the highly stylized design of the dress, it's very French, it's very couture. However, I'm not sure it works for the red carpet. Not too many people got the ruched detail on the bodice. Actually, no one got it. Last I heard she was being compared to Cinnabons.

Tina Fey in Michael Kors

Please give me some scissors! If you lopped off that stupid shoulder strap, we'd have something. Otherwise, I think it's a step in the right direction for Tina given her choices in the past.

Demi Moore in Atelier Versace

This one is the one from last night that I could not decide was diaphanous or bondage. Well, it's both. The top looks a bit tight and the bottom is a little over styled but overall it works. The color is super classy. The shoes? I could live without.



Yeah, no.

Faith Hill in Who Cares

This wins Worst Dressed. There is no debate. This is the worst thing she has ever worn in her entire life. When she gets home, she should take it outside and burn it in the backyard and say some kind of incantation so that she won't ever repeat this mistake again. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. It makes you look old. Old. Old. And like you should be taking payments at the brothel.

Vera Farmiga in Marchesa

Actually, I love this dress. T Minus 15 ruffles. If it were a little less designed and a different color, it would be magnificent. I think the color washes her out and the dress is absolutely wearing her, which is just a damn shame because I think she's really lovely. Another proof for ya: just because a designer says so doesn't make it right.

Sarah Jessica Parker in Chanel Couture

See proof above.

Honey, just because Karl made it does not make it ok. This is an example of wearing something right off the couture runway and it failing. Miserably. The color does nothing for her and the cut is entirely overpowering her small frame. Plus it ages her well beyond her years. She needs to lighten up a little and stop trying to prove that she's still Carrie Bradshaw.

Mariska Hargitay in Vera Wang

First of all, let me disclaim that I am not a fan of the Wang. But really? Scarlett called and she wants her black-out curtains back. This dress might be ok if it had the tiered effect OR the belt but certainly not both. And she's so hot. Pity.

Diane Kruger in Chanel

Initially I thought this was very bakery chic. Now I've moved on to thinking it reminds me of the interior of a hearse. There's just absolutely nothing ok about this look. Chanel or not.

Carey Mulligan in Prada

Last but certainly not least. This is a good example of someone being worn by a look. It doesn't fit her overall character at all. It's too heavy, it's too much, it's too dark and it's not her. I hate the shoes, I hate the dress, I don't even like her hair, and the earrings....don't get me started. She looks like someone coated her bodice in glue and threw a broken glass at her. IF the dress had no embellishments, she lost the earrings, and chose a different shoe, and darkened her hair...ok, if she just lost it all and started over...we'd be good. Luckily she's young so she has plenty of time to learn from her mistake.

Call me, Carey. I can style you so much better than this.

Until next year,
xoxo,
kvlm

p.s. Just watched the Style Network's show "Fashion Police" for which I will never get that precious hour of my life back because...wow. They are so annoying. I don't even really care what they said or who they liked/disliked but I would like to note that Joan Rivers just said, and I quote, "that JLo is the Jackie O of our time."

She wishes. Other than their names beginning with the same letter and the sharing of that strong vowel ending on their respective nicknames, there is absolutely, positively, unequivocally, no similarity between Jennifer Lopez (who I do like) and Jackie O. The only thing that connects them is that JLo wore Jackie's dress to the Oscars some years ago. That was painful enough. Please don't ever put that sentence out into the universe again. I am quite certain it will spin all planets completely off their axis.

Besides, can you see Jackie singing, I'm just Jacqueline from the Block? I mean really.