Open Letter to Madonna

Dear Madonna,
You know I love you, right? I was in the fifth grade when you really blew things out of the water on MTV and I immediately had ripped shirts, short skirts and loads of black lace to tie in my hair, around my leg, the dog, etc. In high school, I had an entire wall covered in your photos from Interview magazine, album shots, Rolling Stone, et al. I'm devoted. I've stood behind you every step of the way and tried relentlessly to make those who don't get it understand. I've paid enormous amounts of cash to see you in concert and although people made fun of it, I really liked that movie you did with Rupert Everett.

So I think I am justified in saying this: if you mess up directing this movie I heard you've decided to do based on the story of Wallis and Edward, we'll have to have words. This tale is so near and dear to my heart, one of my all time favorite love stories, and although I trust you, when I read you were directing a film about two of the most intriguing people of all time, I can't lie, I kind of hit the roof.

But I took a deep breath, I regrouped and I decided this. I will give you a chance, my dear Madge, to make this film and make it beautifully. I will clutch tightly to my theatre seat through its entirety and promote its release to all who will listen. But if it is in fact bad, well, then our relationship will be over. There are just some things that cannot mend a bff-dom like ours and messing up the story of Wallis and Edward is kind of at the top of the list.

So go forth, great Queen of Pop, and make it brilliant. Turn not from the example that these two amazing creatures provided in terms of choosing love over a crown and tell their story well. Hire the greatest costume designer of all time to capture what was known to be the most fashionable couple of all England and pray every Sabbath that it can all be captured in a two, maybe two-and-a-half, hour time slot and does not go straight to DVD Hell. Go forth, but tread lightly.

Life without me would be so very boring for you.

BFF IYDFIU,
kvlm